Brendan Venter was not immune from controversy during his time at Saracens. Credit: David Davies/PA Images — *Brendan Venter was not immune from controversy during his time at Saracens.*
*Credit: David Davies/PA Images*

Sometimes, the occasion just gets a bit too much for you. In the heat of a title battle, a knockout game or top level international test, the pressure is usually most high on those making the big tactical and personnel decisions.

Otherwise known as the coach.

Us rugby folk are generally a bit more level-headed than our round-ball distant cousin (who you haven’t seen in years and is always a bit too aggressive at weddings).

As a result, rugby is yet to have its “I would love it if we beat them” Kevin Keegan moment.

Similarly, I doubt Rob Baxter would storm out of a press conference shouting “show some respect” a la peak meltdown Jose Mourinho, although it would make great TV.

Rugby head honchos aren’t averse to letting pressure get to them however, and The Flanker will now rate the best meltdowns in the game using the prestigious “Keegan” system (so prestigious, in fact, we just made it up).

Martin Johnson - Ireland vs England 2009

Not afraid to dish it out as a player, World Cup-winning captain Martin Johnson had to rein it in a bit when taking on the job as England head coach. It did not mean his angry moments were never spotted, however, and no more so was that the case than this Six Nations game at Croke Park.

With England just five points down to the eventual Grand Slam champions, replacement scrum-half Danny Care put a cheeky forearm in the back of loosehead prop Marcus Horan.

Although it went unspotted by referee Craig Joubert, it was caught by the assistant touch judge and Care would finish the game in the sin bin.

Johnson went a bit unglued, smashing the table in front of him and letting out some fruity expressions as Ronan O’Gara nailed a penalty kick to take the game past one score with just under 10 minutes remaining.

A solid start to this list, although not an all time break-down. With England as poor as they were during this time, I’m sure Johnno was doing this quite often.

Keegan rating: 6/10

Bernard Laporte - France vs Italy 2000

Longtime France head coach Laporte was just in his second year of the job when his side went into halftime just 20-17 up in their Six Nations clash against the plucky Italians.

Having had a five-match losing streak at home, tension was high in the French camp with the game as close as it was.

Laporte’s response was to go absolutely nuclear. Caught by TV station France 2, the head coach goes ballistic on his French team on their poor performance.

Now, The Flanker’s French is not the best, but the shouting and posturing from Laporte gives the general gist of what he was saying. Skip to 2:53 for the rant’s full beauty.

It seemed to have worked somewhat as his team pulled through 42-31, and two years later would bring France a Grand slam, repeating the feat in 2004.

A solid Keegan rating for this one as we can’t get past a bit of Gallic eccentricity at The Flanker.

Keegan rating: 7/10.

Michael Cheika - Australia vs South Africa 2017

No coaching meltdowns piece would be complete without an appearance from the fiery Michael Cheika, whose famously short fuse has led to many an angry moment in the coaching box and in the press conference before or after the game.

Following a 27-27 draw at Bloemfontein in the Rugby Championship, Israel Folau (remember him?) was accused of pulling Dillyn Leyds’ hair.

To everyone in the stadium and watching at home, it was less of an allegation and more of a certainty, with Leyds himself adamant he was tugged back.

Everyone, of course, except Cheika. In typically Trumpian style, he was presented with irrefutable facts and denied them.

Barking at the unfortunate South African reporter questioning him on the incident: “He grabbed him by the collar. You’ve got to watch the vision, watch the vision. He grabbed him by the collar.”

Aussie captain Michael Hooper, sitting next to him, is giving off big “yeah sure mate whatever you say” energy to his boss.

Even though this wasn’t a bust up or full-on ‘Cheiks’ anger, the outright denial of facts surely has to rank fairly high on our scale.

Keegan rating: 7/10.

Steve Diamond - Sale vs Gloucester 2018

Sale Director of Rugby Diamond has a bit of a reputation preceding him, and has found himself on the wrong end of Premiership disciplinary panels after post match comments made about officials.

This time, he was in confrontation with that most cherished, noble and adored profession; journalism.

Following a rare 30-15 away win at Kingsholm in December, Diamond picked out The Independent journalist Sam Peters, who had previously criticised Sale’s approach to concussions and other injuries the previous September, for not speaking up at the press conference.

Accounts on the incident vary. Peters says he was ‘offered out’ by Diamond after the game, and that the Sale Director of Rugby tried to grab the journalist’s recording device. Diamond argues he had the right to reply to Peters’ “personal” piece.

Either way, the footage captured shows Peters calling Diamond a “fucking bully” while Diamond threatens to call the police on the reporter.

An ugly incident following a quality win for an up-and-coming Sale team, Diamond seems to have taken the criticism a little bit too much to heart.

Keagan rating: 8/10.

Brendan Venter - Saracens vs Racing Metro 2010

Perhaps the most famous on this list, Saracens Director of Rugby gave an utter masterclass in passive aggression after his side’s 21-24 defeat at home to Racing Metro in the Heineken Cup pool stages.

Venter was not immune to controversy, having been given a 10-week rugby ban for pushing a Leicester Tiger supporter at the 2010 Premiership Final.

He also copped a big £13,100 fine from the ERC for being “inappropriately” critical of the officials after a home loss to Leinster a month before this classic meltdown.

Having recently watched cult-classic football film Mike Bassett: England Manager, Venter said he took inspiration from yes-man assistant manager Dave Dodds (played by Bradley Walsh) who parrots any question asked of him.

In a bit of a foul mood, Venter did the same to an unfortunate Martin Gillingham and a legend was born.

Who can forget such classic quotes as “Interesting, wonder what went wrong, have to think about it, think about it deeply, very,” and “bit of genius, bit of magic, Sireli Bobo, very interesting, very good, yeah, three cheers for Sireli Bobo, very good.”

Cutting back to a baffled Simon Lazenby and Sean Fitzpatrick, ‘Fitzy’ speculated Venter must have conducted the stunt as he was a “bit disappointed” with the result.

Bit disappointed, yeah, very disappointed, have to think about it deeply, but disappointed, yeah.

Keagan rating: 10/10