Rugby’s Greatest Ever Song Lyrics

Taylor Swift wears an All Blacks jersey while wrapping up her Speak Now tour in March 2012

CREDIT: Getty Images

While the great sport of Rugby Union has been around for the same amount of time as its sphere-balled cousin, it’s safe to say its cultural impact has dwindled in the face of the 11-man game.

Not to say, of course, rugby has not had an impact but with today’s generation of musical talent referencing everything from Ronaldo and Messi to Manchester City and Totenham Hotspur, us rugby fans can sometimes feel a bit in the shadows when it comes to lyrical references.

However, some intrepid artists have decided to make reference to our hallowed game, with mixed results. Here, The Flanker, has reviewed a selection of rugby references within music and rated them out of 10.

The Jam - Eton Rifles (1979)

“Thought you were smart when you took them on

But you didn't take a peep in their artillery room

All that rugby puts hairs on your chest”

We start strongly with yer da’s favourite punk band, The Jam. In this one Paul Weller characteristically lampoons Britain’s upper class with a reference to the 15-a-side game’s (not unwarranted) connection with public schools such as Eton and Harrow.

A strong start, but unfortunately it does lose marks for being one of former Prime Minister David Cameron’s favourite songs. Somehow Dave seemed to have missed the obvious critique at the school he attended when listening.

Weller summed it up best speaking to the New Statesman in 2008: “Which part of it didn't he get? It wasn't intended as a f***ing jolly drinking song for the cadet corps.”

The Flanker rating: 8/10

The Lonely Island - We’re Back! (2011)

“Ayo, I think I broke my dick in the sink

It’s so small and ugly, all smashed and flat, like it was playing rugby”

This one is, er, a lot. The comedy trio, including Brooklyn 99’s Andy Samberg, subvert classic ‘gangster’ rap by braggadociously boasting about their various erectile dysfunctions. This one, rapped by member Jorma Taccone, is fairly self explanatory.

It’s not the weirdest lyric though! Third member of the group Akiva Schaffer spits about he got hepatitis C from a horse, however: “It wasn’t from the sex, it was a blood transfusion,” implying he was still involved with bestiality at some point in time.

Not everyone's cup of tea this one, which is factored in, but The Flanker appreciates the sheer absurdity of the song which gives it some extra credit.

The Flanker Rating: 7/10

Stereophonics - As Long As We Beat The English (1999)

“As long as we beat the English,

As long as we beat the English,

As long as we beat the English, we don't care”

Short, sharp and to the point, this fairly accurately sums up Wales’ Six Nations campaigns of the mid-noughties where even a dodgy campaign would be forgiven if a victory of the Red Rose was achieved.

Whilst The Principality Stadium will now belt out Delilah on a weekend game, this tune sometimes still pops up even if wins between the two sides have become more equally balanced after Warren Gatland’s takeover of the side in 2008.

The Flanker is an English publication so sadly we can’t give this too high a score. We appreciate the straight-to-the-point message of the song however - at least the lads are being honest.

The Flanker Score: 6/10

Taylor Swift - London Boy (2019)

“And now I love high tea, stories from uni, and the West End

You can find me in the pub, we are watching rugby with his school friends”

Swift’s upbeat song detailing her relationship with actor Joe Alwyn waxes lyrical about the UK’s capital, whilst slightly not being the most authentic ode. The lyrics asking her boyfriend to take her to authentic Hackney rather than stuck-up Bond Street are particularly egregious, “I want ta liv’ like da poor folk guv’na!”

The song isn’t particularly offensive but it ain’t that great either. Fair play to Swift giving the oval game a go though, hopefully this A-list shout out can be the shot in the arm the USA needs to become a rugby power.

The Flanker Score: 4/10

Mac Miller - Wake Up (2011)

“And the hoes love me and these other kids don't touch me

Full contact rap no rugby, pretty boy flow while your girl so ugly”

A bit of a banger here from the now sadly deceased Mac Miller, who immediately gets extra credit not just for a reference to our favourite game but also for using rugby’s rules and regulations in his wordplay.

Whether Mac knew the intricacies of the offside line, scrummaging, rucks and mauls is debatable but credit must be given for noting rugby’s physicality. Strong showing from the Pittsburgh native, the Flanker is just a stickler for rule-based wordplay.

The Flanker Rating: 8/10

Iron Maiden- The Sheriff of Huddersfield (1986)

Iron Maiden performing at Twickenham in 2008.

CREDIT: Mark Freeman/Flickr

”Limos and ladies they're driving him crazy

Rugby and cricket's unknown

Baseball and football they're making him lazy”

Yet another comedy song enters our list and, yet again it’s another one yer da can rock out too. This song featured as a B-side on ‘Wasted Years’ and is a comedy song about the group’s manager, Rod Smallwood.

The group take a jab at the Huddersfield native, who did not know the song existed until it was released, on his unwillingness to move to Los Angeles, a place not too familiar with Smallwood’s loves of cricket and rugby.

Top marks for combining the rugby reference with lampooning your manager. We rate this one highly.

The Flanker Rating: 9/10